Jokes
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When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."
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A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers. They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
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A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
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There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
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The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defence."
The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"
The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!"
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Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer
He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
He tells you that he has never told a lie.
A big sign in his office says: "Don't ask me."
A prison guard is shaving your head.
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How lawyers do it...
Lawyers do it with appeal.
Lawyers do it confidentially.
Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
Lawyers do it until justice prevails.
Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.
Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.
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You Might Be a Lawyer if...
you are charging someone for reading these jokes.
you believe that a forty words' sentence is a short one.
you have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
you can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it's verbal or written.
your other car is a BMW.
when you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
when your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her.
When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers. They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defence."
The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"
The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Warning Signs that you Might Need a Different Lawyer
He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
He tells you that he has never told a lie.
A big sign in his office says: "Don't ask me."
A prison guard is shaving your head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How lawyers do it...
Lawyers do it with appeal.
Lawyers do it confidentially.
Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
Lawyers do it until justice prevails.
Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.
Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You Might Be a Lawyer if...
you are charging someone for reading these jokes.
you believe that a forty words' sentence is a short one.
you have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
you can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it's verbal or written.
your other car is a BMW.
when you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
when your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her.
posted by ..: Navid Tabrizi :.. at 8:29 PM
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